I Refuse to Include My Daughter’s Stepchildren in My Will (2025)

Idon’t know ifI’ve taken the correct decision. I’m heartbroken, and I’m looking for some advice.

Mydaughter married aman with two kids. Our relationship has deteriorated sinceI tried todiscuss mywill with her. Itold her honestly, “They’re not really mygrandkids! I’m leaving whatI have toyou, not them.” Her face fell, and she left without aword.

The next timeI visited them, Isaw something that broke myheart: the photos with mehad been taken off the family wall.

Iasked, “Did something happen tomypictures?” She smiled politely and said, “Weran out ofspace. Had torearrange.” But Iknew itwas because ofwhat Isaid.

That night, Isat inbed feeling torn. Ididn’t mean tohurt her. Ijust didn’t feel that connection toher stepkids. They’re sweet kids, butI didn’t hold them asbabies. Ididn’t gototheir school plays orbandage scraped knees.

AmIwrong for not seeing them asfamily?

Initially, Iwas angry and felt soalone. How could she just remove pictures ofmefrom her house?

Iam her mother, after all, Ithought having images ofmearound the house would bring her comfort. Iunderstand that she’s grown attached tothose kids, but somehowI thought that maybe I’d still come first.

• Your will should be a true and accurate representation of your wishes. No one should pressure you into making a different decision about it—not even your daughter. That being said, she is also allowed to have her own feelings about this. She may feel that your decision not to include her stepchildren in the will translates to you not fully supporting her life choices.
• Try to keep an open conversation with your daughter. Reassure her that you support her and are happy with her family arrangements, but that you prefer to direct your assets solely to her.
• This also may have been her way of silently letting you know she'd like you to spend more time with the kids and get to know them better. They may not be her biological children, but they are her chosen family.
• It's also a good idea to check if it's not a misunderstanding. Maybe your daughter was actually telling you the truth, and simply moved the pictures with you to another location of the house. If that isn't the case, let her know that this gesture hurt your feelings.
• Ultimately, you don’t have to split your will equally among everyone, but is there a middle ground? Maybe leaving a small gift or keepsake for the stepkids would show acknowledgment without altering your main wishes.